Because I love you so much
by Lacie Neko Baskerville
Summary: Yuki reflects on what happened in his last talk with Shuichi. Should he change for love? Warning: Yuki's memories are part of volume 12 of Gravitation. Reviews please!


**Pain amethyst ****  
****Because I love you so much**

I'm on the computer, trying to find the inspiration that I just lost. Recent days have been very difficult for me after Shuichi and I had that discussion. He looked so defeated and under when I showed him my apparent love. His image could not leave my head, his eyes sad and defeated. The solution for me every day, those lips that pray with devotion only satisfied with my kisses.

However, my feelings are not as he thought. I've always wanted to say and show how great is my love. However, I'm not used to doing something. It hurts when he cry for my lack of tact, I hate to be so resigned now, ever since.

It all started when I said "Sing if you want"

It is true that I always saw Kitazawa, in the presence of Shuichi. I was afraid to express my love, I wanted to be affectionate with Shuichi, I was afraid to show my love to a thing of the past and not to my little singer.

In this moment my heart hurts more when I think the last words we spoke that day. Damn it, as to forget the beautiful expression on his face...saying those words I never thought I ever would.

- You can go on loving Kitazawa-san

I was surprised. Very surprised.

- Of course I prefer that you love only me.

My heart feel pain, because his suffering was incurable and painful. The tears came out without any trouble from my eyes, causing uncertainty and guilt at the same time, the feeling that maybe it was his fault. And I think it's partly his fault for having resigned.

But not everything in Shuichi's life is resignation and unconditional love for me, as it also has dreams, aspirations. He is a great singer, I am able to recognize, despite his compositions, which often leave much to be desired. Since we started living together, I always thought that his first priority in life was me, I was very presumptuous on that topic, I was always proud of being number one in the heart of Shuichi.

- Quit the band and stop singing. -I said.

I had underestimated their dreams, his goals.

- If I'm more important for you to sing...is time to show me I'm the number one on your heart.

You remember, Shuichi? It was there when you told me you were not Yuki...and that music was your life. I never saw you so desperate to prove it so important that music was for you, never bother to understand. Come to think...I really understand when you yelled at me while I complained about my lack of character for the past. You were so upset that you left me alone...and this time it was me who was looking for you, to let you know that I could really love you sincerely. A kiss sealed everything. An initial promise me to you...Will you be my angel? an angel to help me put the past behind...

I love you, Shuichi. I try to show now that the past is behind us, beside the name of Yuki. You thought that the ring I gave you before our trip to New York did not mean to me what you thought, but you are wrong...I wish I could tell you, tell you that means more than you think, but I really want to be brave and summon the courage to tell you in person. I really love you, even I'm scared of what I love you, my head is no longer able to give me the reason or wisdom which I characterized earlier, but I think now is irrelevant because I do not need to think long to know that I love you...because I've decided to change little by little, and I know you'll help me.

You will, right?

- Yuki, I'm home.

Holy god of wisdom and inspiration, I realized the moment you arrive. You smile, as always, spread your joy for me is like a miracle, making my lips curled into a smile that starts in a sigh. My child, you have entered me like a disease that I never delete. Slowly I leave my computer and I invite you to sit on my lap. Of course, you can not refuse. My arms around you and me clinging to your waist, leaving you stunned.

- You something happen? -you asked.

- Welcome home.

You smiling and enjoying the moment, thinking that might not happen again. But you're wrong, because I want to repeat again and again until you realize you're the only idiot in my heart, there's nobody but you. Now I know...that this feeling so enigmatic, fantastic and eloquent, has no limits.

- I love you, Yuki...

- Eiri. -I recommend it.

- Excuse me?

- The name has nothing to do with me, call me by my name, kid.

You looked at me with surprise, Shuichi, unable to understand.

- Eiri...

I never knew my foolish and short name would be so attractive because it came from your lips.

- Once again...

- Eiri...

From now on, I will let you do whatever you want to be able to heal my heart of that disease called past. Make me your slave eternal, your life. Now I will be fight to be your number one priority, as you are for me.

Never again you will be a pain amethyst, I'll love you every day of our life together. I'll be with you and give you lots of smiles and your tears I will be happy, as a powerful shower of love. Believe me, I will.

Because I love you so much.

**END**

**14/02/2010**

**HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!**

**NAMIDA NO MEGAMI**


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